What is motivation. Where does my drive come from. Love. Ok. It is demanded that love is unconditional. Yet attachment is inevitable. In your lifetime I thought the celebration of you was unconditional. That it was a celebration borne in giving glory to your manifestation. Turns out my desire to acknowledge your glory has a personal joy in it that is selfish. So every day I am without your physical presense is a day I need to let go. That is so hard. Your physical glory was so much bigger than me. Your glory lent light and purpose to my life. I miss you. So much. Feel broken without your physical wholeness. Lifting my head of my pillow with vigour and direction and energy is the lesson your loss is trying to teach me. And I am not sure I am big enough to learn this lesson.
My mum passed when I was 23. I never really had the opportunity to come back home to a respectful relationship with her after my teenage rebellious tribulations and assaults on her goodwill. So this blog is to honour and thank her for her contribution to my love for nature. She was an avid bird watcher and had dreams of travelling through the bush. I have many memories of her being fascinated by animals on our weekend getaways to the Kruger National Park. My first memory of her was her riding a horse called Thunder. That is a beautiful memory and the name of the horse is as mystical and awe inspiring as her impact on who I am in relationship with animals. She was fearless. And always confident that all would be well. She had faith in my animal relationships always. As a very young child I was given the task on many occasions to hand rear orphan wildlife and pets. She never micro managed the process but would offer helpful insight that came naturally to her. ...
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