What is motivation. Where does my drive come from. Love. Ok. It is demanded that love is unconditional. Yet attachment is inevitable. In your lifetime I thought the celebration of you was unconditional. That it was a celebration borne in giving glory to your manifestation. Turns out my desire to acknowledge your glory has a personal joy in it that is selfish. So every day I am without your physical presense is a day I need to let go. That is so hard. Your physical glory was so much bigger than me. Your glory lent light and purpose to my life. I miss you. So much. Feel broken without your physical wholeness. Lifting my head of my pillow with vigour and direction and energy is the lesson your loss is trying to teach me. And I am not sure I am big enough to learn this lesson.