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Showing posts from October, 2015

Getting my head off my pillow without you

What is motivation.  Where does my drive come from.  Love.  Ok. It is demanded that love is unconditional. Yet attachment is inevitable.  In your lifetime I thought the celebration of you was unconditional.  That it was a celebration borne in giving glory to your manifestation.  Turns out my desire to acknowledge your glory has a personal joy in it that is selfish.  So every day I am without your physical presense is a day I need to let go. That is so hard.  Your physical glory was so much bigger than me.  Your glory lent light and purpose to my life.  I miss you.  So much.  Feel broken without your physical wholeness.  Lifting my head of my pillow with vigour and direction and energy is the lesson your loss is trying to teach me.  And I am not sure I am big enough to learn this lesson.  

My super hero

There is sn enormous guiding light in my life.  Inspiration to do what I am intrinsically driven to do. Because he has always done just that.  Today he and I admitted to each other that we are both hard-shelled softies.  And as animal people who have committed to living in service to our charges this is a hard life to live.  But we would have it no other way. 
I still have loads to learn from my mentor.  His unconditional caring and enormous generosity to those around him is a lesson I am yet to totally get.  
I am talking about my Dad. He is a vet. (I am not because I am not smart or  emotionally strong-enough). He is well over 70 and still practising.  His practise is at his home.  Recently he has been suffering with a bout of ill health.  He has been in and out of hospital and we have all been very worried about him.  I travelled to his home a good 700kms away to visit and spend time with him.  Again he amazed me.  
My father is a very keen and good golfer.  With his health concerns h…