Choice is control
What does this mean? That if we are conscious about when we feel anxious, we will begin to recognise the habits that are useful, and those that are not. In relationship with animals, what does it mean - that we need to be conscious that if they feel like they are out of control, they are going to act to try and regain control. Just like we would. The more control and choice we can give to them, the more trust they will have in themselves, and in us. One step at a time - create relationship that will then be a joy.
Play play play. Even with what is in our minds. When we can laugh at our illusions we will begin to enjoy real relationship.